ThetaHealing Session (The Experience of the Soul)

Ian Lisakov

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-          Sit still, please. You prevent me from focusing. It would be better if you'd help me from within.

They have been sitting in their room. He's been sitting on a sofa with a pillow under his back and her – in front of him on the chair, holding his hands. He still could not calm down and relax. Something was precluding all the time. Either the nose would begin to itch, or the ear… He took a deep breath and tried to join her from within.

Suddenly, the room somehow receded into the background and he saw or maybe felt…

The square was not so wide. How big could a square of an apparently medieval town be, anyway? He stood on a huge pile of firewood tied to a pole. At his feet level he saw a dozen faceless heads. He could sense nothing from them, neither joy, nor sadness, not even curiosity. They've been there merely like some kind of a decoration, not unlike the barely visible grey walls of houses surrounded the square. The entire body was aching and the branches pierced his feet. But it didn’t matter, because his whole being has been flooded by a single feeling. This feeling compelled to shrink everything inside him, to veil his eyes (or maybe it was a smoke rising already?) and had made him paralyzed.  It was FEAR. The fear of what would have to come in the next few minutes. Fear and realizing of inevitability of what had to come, impossibility to hide, run away, to do even something…

He saw the first flare and the loss of the last stupid, crazy hope had blasted his fear with even a stronger feeling. If the fear had been cold and chaining, this new one had been hot, burning and unbearable. It was impossible to keep it inside. It was torn from the soul and finally has burst out with crying. Whether it was loud or silent cry was unclear, but what was clear, is WHAT was said that moment. It was the cry of frustration and pain, addressed to the Highest which he firmly and sincerely believed in his entire life. A cry toward that highest meaning which he taught others by words and by example of his own life and which betrayed and left him now, discarding everything. What happened now denied all the faith, all the sincerity, all of his life devoted to this service, turning him into a candle on the sanctuary of his own. This last image overflowed the cup and spilled this feeling outside: "You betrayed me. I honestly believed in You. I served You all my life and now I have to be burned all the same in Thine Glory! So, it was a deception and I curse You and renounce You!"

At this very moment, with this understanding within, he returned back to the room, or almost returned. The feeling still possessed him and he spoke stutteringly only the very last sentence. The very essence of what had happened.

-          It’s good!  It explains a lot regarding you. Go back there. Try to do something. You can change it. Everything is connected. No matter what it actually had been. Go back, change your feelings and shut this hole. Change the most important – your attitude.

 The same square again. And the same branches pierced his feet. He returned back to the same place and time. But this time he clearly understood that there is not a bit of hope. He tried not to allow the memory conquer him entirely and tried to keep connection with the room where his body had been sitting now.

It wasn’t possible to do something right now. He had to wait for that very moment, having gone through all the process again, but changing his perception, his attitude.

The same faceless heads watching him, FEAR and panic had grew within him. There was nothing that could be done. He had to die again, but this time it must be somehow different. He kept in his mind with all his force that second (or the first) one, who was staying in the room and waiting. Along with the highest wave of fear he saw the smoke start rising from the pile which he stood on and he realized that the next moment he will see the worst – the FIRE.

NOW! THE TIME HAS COME! "Lord! Whatever it will be, I BELIEVE! I believe that it should be so. I believe that it will bring something better, something that is not given to me to understand. I believe that You are here and did not abandon me, despite all my current terrible feelings. I believe in You not less than earlier and accept Your Will. I don’t hate these people. I don’t feel anything at all regarding them. There is nothing connected to them. What happens here, happens between You and me only. Whatever happens I will stay with You. But, Lord, Please, do something to make it faster. Please, DO ANYTHING…

What happened next had knocked him back, to the room, but he couldn’t say anything. He felt a huge lump in the throat, tears streamed from his eyes and he had been near the state of hysteria.

-          Relax. Don't keep it within. Let it go. Release it. Would like some water?

-          He nodded.

-          More?

-          Nod again.

Finally the throat become a little freed

-          The Angel – he squeezed out.

-          What is the Angel?

-          The Angel descended in front of me and blocked EVERYTHING by its wings. It blocked the square, houses, heads, EVERYTHING. And the most important thing that it blocked was THE FIRE! I DIDN'T SEE THE FIRE!

These words brought him a new hysteria attack, but along with it also an awareness and an incredible relief. And riding the wave of this feeling he return back again, but not to the square this time.

He sat on a green grass top of a hill, surrounded by trees and bushes. His Angel was next to him and there were some additional figures on the same lawn. It was warm, there was no pain and an incredible stillness and silence was spilled in the air. There were no sounds there, because the sounds were not necessary, and the words as well. Everything was clear for everyone without any words. The city walls were visible at the some distance and a little bit lower. The whole picture was quite idyllic. Only far away, behind the houses a black smoke of his burning ascended straight into the sky.

Ian Lisakov

June 2011

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